Do you dream of living a stress-free (or less stressed) life and a stress-free relationship? Many people are stressed. Whether the stress is family stress or work stress, it’s important to identify the cause of your stress. Let’s talk about identifying stress and coping strategies.
If you are stressed out from work and bring the stress home, you may take it out on your spouse; which then looks like a relationship problem.
How can you identify stress in a relationship?
The first step in identifying stress is to figure out where the stress is coming from.
It may not be easy to pinpoint at first, because the stress is hiding somewhere. The key is to look for problems and resolutions. To find the problems and resolutions, let’s focus on three categories, unspoken resolutions, fault resolution, and no resolutions.
Unspoken Resolution Problem
People who have unspoken resolution problems look like they have a good relationship because they never argue. A lot of times these people have problems neither partner is talking about. Instead of talking about the problem they grit their teeth and hold it in. Not talking about problems causes chronic stress that never gets resolved.
Fault’s Resolution Problem
This is the problem where the couple has discussed the issue, and think they came to a resolution. Either, one partner gave a sense that the problem was resolved or one partner thinks it’s been resolved but for some reason, it falls apart.
Fault’s Resolution Example
One partner agreed to change the destination for the next date night but then forgot, or doesn’t, and the resolution falls apart.
No Resolution Problem
Does the relationship have any hidden problems with no resolution? A problem with no resolution means the problem has not been resolved. Usually, you can find a relationship problem by identifying where there’s bickering all the time.
By looking closely, you’ll find the couple is always fighting about the same thing. The details may change, but the problem stays the same. It’s like couples don’t realize they’re fighting about the same thing, or they haven’t used the bickering as a sign that a resolution needs to be found.
No Resolution Example
One partner is upset because the other partner isn’t helping with the dishes every night.
A partner gets frustrated every weekend about what to do with the kids. Such as what time to send them to sleep, or who should babysit them.
These are continuous problems with no resolution. The problem is the continuous stress with no resolution and pre-stress. The pre-stress is what comes up before the actual fight.
How to Resolve these Problems
The problem with these stressors is when there’s no resolution to the problem it means the problem is underground, and it’s going to blow at some point, most likely in an inappropriate place, time, or manner.
Helpful template you can use to start resolving problems:
“I’d like to talk to you about X. I believe that Y is happening, which causes me to feel Z. I would like to work with you to find a resolution for this problem.”
How to use the Template for the Unspoken Resolution Problem
“I need to talk to you about your brother coming over every weekend. I believe that I have not fully expressed my feelings about this, which is causing me to feel stressed. Therefore, I need to work with you to find a solution to this problem.
How to use the Template for the Fault’s Resolution Problem
“I want to talk to you about the chores. It’s my understanding that we divided up the chores, but I believe you’re not doing yours, which causes me to feel anxious. Therefore, I need to work with you to find a resolution to this problem.”
How to use the Template for the No Resolution Problem
“I’d like to talk to you about the dishes. I believe that I have to ask you every night to help me which is causing me to feel irritated. Therefore, I would like to work with you on a resolution to this problem.”
Using this template helps you get around all the problems with a resolution. This template helps you get to the core of the problem without distractions. By using this template you’ll learn how to identify stress and coping strategies.
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