Working alone is a very effective approach to a relationship problem.  Certainly much more effective than doing nothing!  By working on changing how you see problems, how you approach problems, and new ways to change destructive patterns, you are essentially changing the relationship and your partner is going to have to change as well. I liken this to a balance scale. If you alter one side of the scale, the other part of the system automatically changes, too.

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It's common for partners to not be on the same page about the need for counseling. If your partner is resistant, I advise letting them know up front that you have made an appointment for couples counseling and that you hope they will join you. This way, you are being open and welcoming, while avoiding the discussion about needing counseling. In my experience, most partners will join within the first few sessions. Generally, about 75% of my patients come in alone for couples counseling. It is possible to fix many relationship problems by yourself. The reason we developed Intimacy Now is because when one person changes their behavioral patterns, that alone can often save a marriage.

Every relationship is worth trying to save because it's in the "trying" that you learn whether one of you has what we refer to as a red flag or not. There are people who simply cannot engage in relationships effectively. Therefore, if you work on your approaches to the relationship problems, your partner should start changing in response, if they are healthy. If they continue to show concerning signs such as chronic mistrust for no reason, inability to care for themselves (such as self-harm), law breaking, inability to maintain gainful employment, or consistent lack of empathy and care for you; these are signs of a severely damaged person who may not be able to maintain a relationship with you no matter how hard you try.

In my experience, one does not suddenly stop loving their partner. A feeling of falling out of love typically signals that your relationship is in trouble. Something is wrong that needs your attention. Getting caught up on what exactly "love is" is a common way to avoid the problem that may seem scary or overwhelming. Turning your attention to how the relationship isn't working for you and working on effectively addressing that is a healthier pursuit.

You can't. But that's okay. If your partner isn't hearing you, then there are several other ways to get your thoughts and feelings across and understood. The key is not to focus on changing your partner but on changing your approach.

This is very common, but really it is just a way to avoid facing and understanding your role in the relationship problem. When you don't understand your relationship problems or how to fix them, it can be so overwhelming that simply getting a new partner appears easier. In reality, it's not easier to get a new partner. All partners have flaws. Learning how to deal with them now is a gift you can give your marriage and yourself.

So true! But if you look closely at these relationship gurus they are often not trained or educated on how to treat suffering people. I learned about the human mind, behavior and emotions in medical school, and I had four years of training on how to deal with psychiatric problems of all kinds. Then, in the course of my work as a relationship psychiatrist, I have helped thousands of relationships. It's this experience that gives me the confidence to know that these tools I set forth in the Intimacy Now program will help you as well.